Women in Indian Society

Woman - The most under rated, maligned, abused and used living being on the face of the earth.

This definition of mine, is more so, in Indian Society, but thankfully less to a certain degree in American Society.

A couple of grisly murders across the world, prompted me to write about this.

One involved, a Indian man, hacking his wife to pieces, and then dumping her body in a garbage can, near Washington, DC, because, her father couldn't pay the dowry he demanded. The other involved, a young guy, hacking a girl, in her college, in India, (in her class room at college !), because, she was not interested in his amorous moves.

Not to mention, the numerous rape cases that are doing the rounds, especially in North India, New Delhi in particular (where even a diplomat was not spared, and was raped as she was returning from a conference!!)

And I've been asking myself, what does a woman mean, to an Indian male? I think, going by these crimes, its safe to assume, that to some males, a woman, is an object of convenience. When they get married, they tend to believe, that the wife has sex with them as often as the male would want ( an object of pleasure) that they will be the bearers of their children - (an object of procreation) and cook for them (a mini restaurant to say the least).

The problem, I feel is not just that these men woke up on the wrong side of the bed one morning, and decided a woman is just all that listed above. These are views that are formed in their mind, as they grow up, starting from the time they are born.

A special thing happens, when a male child is born to some Indian couples. Going by how they behave when the male child is of marriageable age, I think, the father automatically grows an extra testicle, and the mother grows an extra breast, or maybe gets a third ass cheek ! Their insistence and atrocious demands based on Hum ladke wale hain (We are the from the Groom side of the family, in Hindi.), or Naanga, mappillai veetu karanga (the same in Tamil), will surely lead one to believe that their demands are made because of their special status, when their boy was born, and they grew those extra parts of their anatomy. Because, I just fail to understand, what difference does it make, if theirs was a boy or a girl child !!!!

So deep is the feeling of male superiority and due to various socio-economic reasons, that female infanticide is rampant in India. This is such a disturbing trend, that Bharathi Raja, a Tamil film director of great skill, and absolutely wonderful movies, directed a movie titled Karuthamma.

Now, thanks to technology, female infanticide is taken one step higher (or is it lower?). If the ultrasound scan reveals its a girl, then the baby is promptly aborted !!
Is this better than killing the baby after its born? I frankly don't know. But if in one way, its better for sure, is that, the killer doesn't have to see the baby die.

The old tradition of female infanticide, and the relatively new tradition of female foeticide, has grown to such proportions in rural areas, that now, a social problem is looming large - There are just not enough girls for the men to marry !!! The sex ratio has drastically reduced.

I think, most of these views on the girl child, and the special status one gets upon the birth of a male child has got to do predominantly with economic reasons. The bride's side, ends up spending a huge chunk of the marriage expenses, if not all. The bride is expected to be decked in so many sovereigns of gold (even if the groom's side demand it, its a question of social pressure! And if the groom's side demand them, its usually worse.) And then, there is the timely tradition of dowry to be dealt with, where the bride's family, has to pay a huge chunk of money, give so much gold, or provide certain amenities for the groom, such as a motorcycle, or a car, or some shit like that.
And if the parents belong to the middle class or lower middle class backgrounds, then imagine the consequences.

The solution to such a problem, is to empower the girl child. Provide her with education, allow her to make her own decisions, and let her choose her mate, instead of the parents forcing someone down her throat.

Thankfully, the urban areas, are showing the way. More women are being educated. People who used to scoff at the idea of an educated girl, are beginning to welcome them.
Women are more common in the workplace, and more women, put their foot down, when they want to marry that special someone, instead of giving into parental pressure or emotional blackmail.

Yet in spite of such societal advances, crimes against women are still being committed, as mentioned earlier.

Mind you, whatever I've rambled about, is not the case with all or most of Indian men or their parents. I am sure, there is an equal number of men who understand, appreciate and respect women, and an equal number of Indian parents, who want to bring in a daughter-in-law, without any dowry demands (And I'm proud to state, my parents are such), and am also sure that for every parent who moans the birth of a girl child, there is a parent who rejoices at the birth of a girl instead of a boy.

And sadly enough, crimes against women happen here in the US as well. Besides the rape and murders, I was very surprised to learn from an American friend of mine, sometime back, that wife beating is common here as well !

Strip Search

Sometime ago, I saw a movie on HBO, that really got me thinking a hell lot.

Movie in question is called Strip Search. Very very innovative scripting and a great idea, to get people to think. One's biases, and perceptions come really to the fore on this one, and you are left feeling dumbstruck by it.

Movie starts with an American girl being held in China, and an Arab guy held in the US for questioning.

The interesting part of the movie is, the narration and dialogues are identical and parallel. The scenes switch back and forth from the US and China. And the dialogues are near identical.

This is where one's perception comes to mind, how one views the American held in China differently from the Arab held in the US.

And it all leads to a poignant ending which leaves you thinking hard.

Tom Fontana (Writer) and Sidney Lumet have done an excellent job.

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All drivers for Red Ball Express had orders to "Never, ever pick up Hitch-hikers."

Old Freddie Crotch was high-ballin' down the highway and saw an unbelievably stunning blonde hitch-hiking.

Thinking with the wrong head, he pulls over and picks her up.

Traveling down the highway a ways, she leans forward, is looking out the mirror and says "You have a flat back there on the trailer."

Freddie pulls over, and goes back to have a look.

The blonde slides over and drives away.

Freddie is now pissed off and a motorcycle gang pulls up, beats the crap out of him and leaves Freddie tied, wrists to ankles, naked and broke.

Another Red Ball Express driver sees Freddie, pulls over and says, "Holy shit, It's you Fred. What happened?"

Freddie relates his woes.

The second drivers walks around back of Freddie, undoes his zipper and says, "This just isn't your day. Is it, Fred?"

Zaiqa - A Chicago restaurant with a strong desi flavor !

Zaiqa is what I would define as a local cabbie joint - frequented more by cabbies, than by anybody else. And, no other restaurant gives me the feeling of being at home (even though 'home' for me is India!)

Quite decent interiors by guys' standards, and ('shabby' by women's i'm sure), Zaiqa, serves great food. Their top of the line item on the menu, is good old Mutton Biriyani. Sadly, this biriyani, is available only on Fridays (sigh!). Mind you, not lamb, but mutton!! Not to mention, great Naans and Chappaatis. Besides, these, they serve the best Chai, in whole of Chicagoland. Not too watery, not too milky. Just right. And to which I add, a good dose of sugar, and boy, do I have some great tasting Tea.

This place, I must add, is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. People who share my desire of having tea at 2 am in the morning after a night out with friends, watching a movie, will realize the great importance of Zaiqa.

I've been a regular at Zaiqa, ever since I landed in Chicago, and I have such fond thoughts about that place.

Besides, the food, the other thing that draws me to this place, is the good old, kind and loving gesture of selling cigarettes in singles. Nowhere else, can I get that kind of a 'Home' feeling. And, after a great meal, some great tasting, lip smacking chai, and my favorite brand of ciggies. Could I ever ask for more?

Among the above great things about Zaiqa, is also, another great feature, extended to 'regular's like me. They follow good old Desi 'accounting' principles.
We regulars are extended unofficial account privileges, which run purely on sight and memory, rather than by a book or scrap of paper.
Whenever I'm low on cash, a 'Chacha/Mammoo, baad me dedhunga', works as good as cash.

Ever since I started going to Zaiqa, I've taken many a new desi friends (and atleast 20 different Americans, some of whom still drop by Zaiqa, when they are passing it), to Zaiqa, who have in turn become regulars there. I guess, this has worked in my favor for those 'accounting' privileges.

Among all my memories of Zaiqa, two episodes stand out in my memory, which are downright hilarious. Since the second episode is based on the first one, I'll recount only the second episode.

Sunil, Ashish and I went to Zaiqa, sometime last year. Sunil has been in Chicago for quite sometime, and Ashish had just landed a day or two earlier. And we decided to do dinner at Zaiqa.

While at Zaiqa, I was recounting Sunil's experience of a loud Desi lecture from one Chachaa who worked behind the counter. What had happened was, a gang of us, went to Zaiqa for dinner, and Zaiqa again, is one of those places, by true desi tradition, gave second helpings of gravy free of charge. That night, we ran out of a particular dish, and I asked Sunil to go ahead and ask that Chachaa for some helping. Poor guy, did as told, went up to the old Chachaa, and said - 'Chachaa, zara gravy ka second helping milega?'. That did it, Chachaa, launched into a loud tirade about how he should have asked for 'Yeh, aur zara dhedho', or 'Chachaa, sherwa zara dhedho'. Chachaa dearest, went on to extoll the virtues of using Urdu or Hindi, and that, being Desi's we shouldnt follow the American system, and how they slept with their own blood, yada yada yada. (If he was so disgusted with America, what was he doing here? Your guess is as good as mine !!). Poor Sunil, came back, with a plate full of gravy, and also wide eyed, shocked and embarrased.

So, Sunil and I were recounting the importance of not using English words here, at Zaiqa to Ashish, and we were having a laugh. A little while later, Ashish needed to go to the restroom. So he got up, and went to the counter, (incidentally, a different person was there, whom I refer to as Mammoo, not our dear Chachaa in question), a few words were exchanged, found his way to the restroom, and joined us at our table later.

When he came back, the conversation went like this:

Ashish: Arrey yaar, yeh kya ho raha hain yahan pe.
Sunil: Kyon, kya hua?
Ashish: Maine jaake us aadmi se poocha, ki, 'Toilet kidhar hai'
Aur, usne bola, 'Yeh Toilet kaunsi bashay mein boltey ho thum, Hindi mein pooch
nahi sakthey, ki Bathroom kahaan hai?'
Tho, phir, maine, ussey bola, 'Maaf kijiye, bathroom kidhar hai'.
Me: (trying hard to control my laughter) Dude, since when did 'bathroom' become a Hindi word?
Ashish: Arrrey, haaaaaaaaaan!!!!!!!

For those who would love to check out such desi flavor in a relaxed atmosphere, Zaiqa is two blocks north of Chicago Avenue and Orleans :)

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A Philosophy professor was lecturing a class on the simple pleasures of life....

Professor: Pleasure, is something that can be derived from the most simple and mundane things. One can get as much pleasure from a satisfying bowel movement, as one can get from sex.

To this, a student exclaimed: "With all due respect sir, either you dont know how to f***, or I dont know how to s***"

Victory is sweet, an emphatic victory.....sweeter.

Kush and Atif set up Sonics for first win of the season....

Having lost all our first three matches, every member of the team was hungry for a win, and boy, did we win in style, in our first ever day/night encounter!

Atif, lost the toss, and the Rockers captain, decided to bat first. And it was a good toss to lose.

Hasan opened the attack, and Kush attacked from the Walnut Street end. I guess, the catch I took in the earlier match at Milwaukee, kindof made me a Point specialist, and I was asked to stand at point again in this match.

All, credit to Kush for setting up the field for his first over, and he asked me to go to deep point instead of point. Third ball into the over, and the batsman slashes, and thanks to Kush pushing me deep into point, I took a very relatively easy catch. The Kush/Hifzur combo drew first blood again !!! Nothing can pump up a team more, than an early wicket, and we were charged up.

Kush's second over of the match, and he strikes again. Batsman two gone. Hasan Khan, kept attacking relentlessly from the other end, and he found his form, in this match.
Next over, Hasan had the number four batsman, bowled to a beauty of a yorker. Standing at point, I could see the ball knocking the stumps first, and the batsman's bat, a fraction of a second late, trying to dig out the yorker. I believe, it must have been Hasan's trademark inswinging delivery, and a yorker at that, would have been unplayable.

And then Kush picked up one more wicket.

Our fielding was excellent in this match, and we stopped the singles, and stopped the ones from being converted into twos. Needless to say, the batsmen were being put under pressure.

By now, the Kush/Hasan combo were attacking relentlessly, and it was a beauty to watch, Kush's intimidatory bowling, pitching the ball short, and either surprising the batsman, or tempting him to pull it, especially the rock solid Lawrence.

By now, Adnan Khan came on first change, and was bowling well, despite a few wides. But key thing was, he didnt bowl short this time, and was really troubling the batsmen, when he pitched the ball up. And this was something I've always believed in Adnan. If he pitched the ball up, with the swing he's able to generate, he would have the batsmen guessing quite a bit.

Atif, persisted with Kush, to attack, inspite of suggestions to use Kush later in the end overs. A good and shrewd move by the captain, and it paid its dividends. Kush was being encouraged for a 5 wicket haul, and I did my bit, by promising him lollipops if he got a 5 wicket haul ;)

Aamir, who did a splendid save at second slip, fractured his little finger. And he actually persisted, and took a good catch at the same position two balls later. It was after the dismissal that he decided to go off the field to get medical attention, and Madurai Veerar Muni, came in as his substitute.
(It was sad to see Aamir's hand encased in a cast, and even more sad to hear that he'll be out of action for six weeks. We'll miss a great team player.)

Kush got one more wicket before his spell ended, and a magnificient spell it was. He finished with 4/16 off his seven overs.

Spin Master Gogo - Shakeir was brought on from the other end, and he took a wicket as well.

Post break session, Atif, comes on to bowl, and in a beauty of an over, had 3 batsmen out, with a chance of hat trick.

All that remained was one wicket, and Spin Master Gogo, bowling from the other end, got the batsman to drive, and of all people, the safest pair of hands in the field, Atif, dropped it. One ball later, the batsman tried to hit over the top again, and this time, Adnan, (maybe fearing that Atif will drop it again ;) ), rushed in, dived forward, and took a stunning single handed catch, as he was sliding forward.

That pretty much wrapped up Rockers CC, being bundled out for 66 runs, and we finished them off in 22 overs.

Captain Atif, finished with 3/3 off 2 overs !!

Sonics innings started with me and Vinay opening the attack. And I as usual, opened the innings. First ball, was left, going way down the leg side for a wide. Second ball, and I knew in my mind, that this one will come straight, instead of an off stump/outside the off stump attack (Yet, I failed to act on my instinct!!). The ball started somewhere around middle and off, and swung in late. A yorker. Having taken the middle stump guard, I was plumb in front.

Arun, came in next, and it surprised me. While walking into the field, he asked to use my bat, and I gave it to him. And boy, the only thing that made me feel better after my dismissal, was watching Arun bat so well, and I was happier considering his runs were coming off my bat !!!

Arun and Vinay, played a very cautious innings early, and once he got his eye in, Arun, started timing the ball really well. The two boundaries he hit, were infused with timing and power.

Vinay, was being intimidated by the bowlers, who were bowling short at him, and I'm sure, he must have been tempted as hell to pull them. I guess this was also their plan. But Vinay, exhibiting excellent temperament, refused to be lured into their trap, and weaved, and weaved.

A short while later, I was asked to go in as a leg umpire, and being someone who loves to be in the middle, in any role, I jumped at the offer, and was off as the leg umpire.

Arun perished, trying to force the pace of the innings, and Vinay was joined by Mr.Dependable - Naseer.

Naseer and Vinay started to build the innings again after the set back of Arun's dismissal, and in one instance, there was a commotion in the middle. Vinay flicked at a ball, and the captain of Rockers who was at square leg, took a brilliant one handed catch. Only thing was, the ball came off the pitch, and I saw it too. Unfortunately, the umpire's view was blocked by the bowler, and the umpire asked me. I flatly refused the appeal, and told the captain why I thought so. It apparently didnt go down well with them, but I held my ground.

A few balls later, Vinay got out, though he was gesturing to the umpire that he wasnt, as the ball went off his arm. Naseer was joined by Spin Master Gogo, and Shakeir made his first runs in the season.

A few overs later, a similar fracas. Naseer tried to pull at a short pitched delivery, and the ball hit something on the way to the keeper. The umpire again wasnt sure, and asked me for my opinion. I knew the ball hit something, and I thought it was his arm guard, but wasnt sure. So I asked Naseer himself, if he was out. He replied in the negative. And so the matter stood there. The Rockers team was even bitter about this. But heck I cared. One of their bowlers was clearly chucking, and they should be lucky that I didnt call the guy for that. If this was a close match, I wouldnt have thought twice about it. But only 67 to win, off 35 overs, I just let it pass.

Shakeir was out a few overs later, trying to force the pace of the innings, as we were running out of light, and surprisingly the day/night arrangement was surprisingly only for the day I believe. There was no official to switch on the flood lights!!!

Naseer was joined by Muzzie, and boy was he raring to go. With only 11 or so remaining to win, a flurry of runs, and a boundary later, we needed only two to win. And Muzzie, finished the innings and the victory in style, by hoisting the bowler for a six over long on. Match over. Sonics Win !!!

This match, we can proudly claim to have outclassed the other team in all departments. Bowling, fielding and batting. And finally our team played to its real potential.

And in my opinion, just because we won, doesnt mean we need to take it for granted that we did well. We need to pull our socks up in the number of extras we gave in this match. Though it wasnt too high, but I think it contributed atleast 20% to their total. We need to work on this a little. Not to mention my own performance as a batsman. I need to pull up my socks as well, and put on a better performance next time. With, my passion for playing this game, I'm gonna get myself fitter, by giving up my vice, and working out like crazy before the next game.

But overall, a very very satisfying win.

Besides, the members of the team who contributed to the win today, I would also go as far as to say that, the players who didnt play also contributed. Muni, Musheer, and Milan, who agreed to sit out for the match, contributed in their own way, by letting someone else play, who contributed to the result, with either a catch, a stopped single, or a boundary. So, the thanks, goes out to you guys as well.

P.S - Kush, even though you didnt get the 5 wickets as per our deal, due to the win, I'm in a very benevolent mood. I'll get you your lollipop - the one with the chewing gum in the middle ;)

Palm Vs Pocket PC

Having been using a handheld device for the last 2 years, I consider myself a little well versed with the intricacies of buying a handheld. So when a friend asked me whether to buy a Pocket PC or a Palm, I gave him my two cents worth.

I felt that it'd be a good idea to post it on my blog, someone might find it useful.....


I'll tell you what was important for me, as it'll give you an idea.

1. Handheld Size - I wanted the device to be as small and light as possible, coz, i'd be carrying it in my trouser pocket everyday with me !!
(This almost rules out Pocket PC devices, as they are generally a tad longer, and in most cases, bulkier as well)
If you are one of those people, who carry their handheld devices in a handbag/briefcase, then you neednt worry too much about size.

2. Display Brightness - Some devices arent that bright at all. For instance, Sony for all its great finish, and excellent quality, couldnt match Palm's latest equipments in terms of display brightness.

3.MP3 capability - I wanted a device that could also double up as a MP3 device. Yeah, iPod, sure is the mother of all MP3 players, but it didnt make much sense (and also cents!) to me, to carry two devices on my person.

4. Inter-operability of additional hardware - If I had purchased a Sony PDA, then i'd have to buy a Sony Memory Stick to play MP3, which is not only more expensive, but also, can be used only with Sony products. So i decided to go for a device that uses a standard SD Memory Card, which a lot of devices use, and is cheaper to buy as well ($40, compared to Sony's $60 !!)
(This fit in perfectly with my Digital Camera, which uses an SD card).

5. Only a Palm for me please !! - I had been so used to using a Palm device, that I became an expert at Graffiti (the software that u can write on the screen and it converts ur strokes to text), and I dindt want to unlearn it and try Pocket PC. Moreover, there was the loyalty factor !!!


These are the things you'll need to keep in mind though, and things i know for sure.

1. In Pocket PC devices, you can easily transfer your (Word, Excel and other files) between ur desktop and ur handheld and work on them, back and forth.

2. With, Palm, you will need a 3rd party software to do this, but depending on the price range you are looking at, the software might be bundled with the device when you buy it.

3. The size - as mentioned earlier, Pocket PCs are more bulkier than Palm devices. But also keep in mind the payoffs. For the things that I needed from my machine, it was a no brainer that i needed a Palm device.

4. Processor - Compare the processor speeds of the devices you are considering, and factor this in your decision. A faster processor, needless to say, is better.

Now onto manufacturers:

Palm Handhelds:

1. Sony - for its sheer quality and finish. the sleekest stuff you can lay your hands on. Only problem is (if its a problem !!), the display doesnt quite compare well enough with the latest Palm handhelds.
2. Palm - Excellent display, and loads of memory with new devices like Tungsten T3 (I think its got 64 mb, and thats monstrous in Palm's reference)

P.S - Sony recently announced that they will be taking their handhelds out of the US market, and they will be available only for the Japanese market. So, you might wanna think twice if you are going to buy a Sony PDA.

Pocket PC:

1. iPaq - Arguably has the widest range of handhelds, though I dont know much about their performance.
2. Toshiba - A close front runner, and sleek in finish as well, compared with iPaq, which is a little bulkier.

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Explain that

A school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.

"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"

Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy runs a brothel."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.

Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father
answered the door.

The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be
some logical explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually a politician. But how can I explain a
thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

Memorial Day Weekend Fun.....

Ah, long weekends are usually fun. (For that matter, any weekend, but you get the idea!)
A friend of mine, and his wife, came avisiting from Atlanta, and it was 4 days of Tour Chicago.

It wasnt too bad, as I got to finally see and experience the sights of Chicago, my lazy ass wouldnt let me see. So i finally got around to seeing the Museum of Science & Industry, Hancock Observatory and Chicago Architectural Cruise among others.

I also happened to see a new Imax movie, Adrenaline Rush, and this movie, carries, my highest recommendation. Excellent visuals, and absolutely awesome sound engineering in the movie. (Toying with the idea of watching it again !!)

And thanks to Tour Chicago, i also got to see, a special section in the Museum of Science & Industry, called Action! This section (an extra $9 :( ), had some very interesting artifacts - Russel Crowe's attire in Gladiator, and Harrison Ford's costume from Indiana Jones (including the infamous whip, and that great hat, and awesome weather beaten, rugged looking leather jacket).
Also in this section, was a display of how Foley artists work.These are the folks who provide the sound effects in movies, like a 'thump' when someone falls on a car's bonnet, or the 'jiggle' of a chain while running. (and they use, very neat, and amusing stuff for the effects. For the 'thump' of someone falling on a car, they use, a garbage can filled with a pillow or two, and them hit it on the side with a spongy baseball bat)

But the highlight of this exhibit section, was the part, where the visitors, are encouraged to volunteer for the 'Preview' shoot of a 'movie'. Some folks, ended up as sound directors (switching on/off sound when told !!!), and lighting directors (ditto !!), and some volunteers for main actors, and extras.

There were three stages in total, and I, ("Blow the trumpets!!"), was an extra in two of them, and the lighting director (yea, yea, i just had to turn the dial, and sit pretty for the entire shoot !!) for one of them.

It was total fun, and a glimpse into how movies are made, some of the tricks they use, etc. I got a chance to download the said 'Preview'. This was fun :)

Overall, not a bad weekend. Thanx to said friend, have loads of pictures now, and loads of reminders that I better drag my lazy posterior to the gym. I look disgustingly chubby !!

Hope y'all had a great weekend as well.

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